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All Sports Commissioner: Miscellaneous Sports

The All Sports Commissioner of the Known Universe cannot simply focus on the big money sports of the United States. The last four words of my title imply that I must have a broader perspective; therefore, I will now turn my attention to some of the most glaring problems of other sports. The following regulations will take effect immediately on all levels of competition:

Volleyball

  • All position rules will be abolished. Six players on each side have three hits to get the ball over the net. That’s it. No forced rotations, front line, back line, players who can’t attack, etc. No other sport forces players into a certain position or role simply by rotation them through. Now volleyball doesn’t either.

Soccer

  • All professional and international games will have TWO field referees and two linesmen. How dumb is it to think that one referee can possibly be in good position to make every call when chasing the best athletes in the world around a 120 yard field?

Golf

  • A golfer’s shot routine should reflect his skill level. Any golfer who repeatedly takes more time to line up shots, read putts, examine the ball’s lie, check the wind, envision the shot, take practice swings, or plan shots than their skill level will forfeit all expectations for silence and stillness from playing partners. They may walk, talk, swing, and take shots while the slow golfer is playing provided they have warned him using the phrase “You’re not as good as you think you are” or “This isn’t the PGA, Tiger.”

Recreation League Sports

  • Any team that does not show up for a scheduled game without notifying the league or opposing team will not be permitted to play in that league for the next two seasons. All members of the roster will be banned.

Youth Sports Spectators

  • Any adult who continues to yell at an official, coach, or opposing fan after an official warning will be required to attend umpire/referee classes and obtain their official certification before attending another ball game on any level.
  • Any adult who yells at or publicly insults a minor on an opposing team will be banned from all sporting events for life. This ban may be appealed; however, all appeals to overturn this ruling must be accompanied by a donation to the offended child’s college fund.

Flagrant Fouls (All Sports)

  • Any player, on any level, who commits a flagrant, illegal act that injures another player will be suspended from play until the injured player is medically cleared to play.

I’d like to hear your ideas to make sports better. Please leave your ideas in the comments section below.

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The Praise Set

volleyball-passing-3As you may remember, I am constantly looking for new and creative ways to promote my skills and accomplishments. Most of the time I just tell people how great I am, but sometimes the genius of self-promotion is making others think that praising me was their idea. I had a brilliant revelation while watching a volleyball game the other day—the setter.

Three simple steps to set up others to compliment you:

BUMP: Make sure you have done something impressive.
It’s not hard for me to impress myself. I do it all the time. Just in the past week I have picked out the right color tie, edited a Tweet to be exactly 140 characters, donated blood, given a perfect illustration of humility in my Life Group, packed everything I needed for a three day trip into a backpack, been TSA Pre-Checked at the Richmond International Airport, selected the best sandwich on the menu, corrected my spelling of sandwich (only has one h…who knew?). The point is your accomplishment doesn’t have to be anything earth-shattering. It’s not about the accomplishment, anyway. It’s about someone else affirming your worth as a human being.

SET: Compliment someone else
The key is to make sure that, although you are praising them, your compliment will cause them to notice your accomplishment. Here are some hypothetical examples. If you…

  • Are wearing a great tie- “I really like your shirt.”
  • Tweeted a great joke- “I like following you on Twitter.”
  • Donated blood- “I love how you have a full 6-8 pints of blood.”
  • Gave a perfect illustration- “Your contributions in Life Group were really good.”
  • Packed for a trip into a backpack- “That zipper on your suitcase must be really strong.”
  • TSA-Pre Checked- “You were so patient at that security checkpoint.”
  • Ordered the best sandwich at lunch- “That looks really good. I’m starting to second guess my selection.”

SPIKE: Enjoy the show
They won’t be able to resist the set because many people feel awkward being complimented (present company excluded). He/she will immediately start looking for some way to reciprocate…and you will be standing there gently caressing your perfect tie, hoisting your light backpack, or raising your perfect lunch selection to your lips. He’ll hit it home for you.

Game, set, match.