Grinch List #2: Commercials for Extravagant Gifts

The last few Decembers I have made a Grinch List– things that I would steal from the holiday season if I could. This year I’m going to try to turn that list into something positive. Along with the reasons I am annoyed by each item, I will try to find a solution–an angle to adjust the way I feel about it in order to celebrate the season appropriately. I can’t promise I will change my mind about anything, but I can attempt to change my attitude.

Lexus with a bowAccording to My Fitness Pal, one hour of competitive football burns 787 calories. After eating two Thanksgiving meals and then participating in my family’s annual leftover feast, which consists of deep-frying all the leftovers, I definitely needed to burn some calories. So I spent much of Thursday, Friday, Saturday, and Sunday watching competitive football. I figure I burned 18,101 calories. I’m not counting the Virginia game because that wasn’t “competitive.”

While participating in this strenuous physical activity I was bombarded by one of the worst parts of the holiday season–commercials for extravagant gifts. Here are my thoughts when one of these advertisements come on:

  • What husband would want to be surprised by his wife with a car he hasn’t test driven?
  • Is there any way to say “He went to Jared” without sounding like a psychopathic stalker?
  • What on earth is a chocolate diamond? Is chocolate code for “12 months salary”?
  • How awesome would it be to put a giant bow on top of my minivan then wrap up my wife’s key and put it under the tree?
  • Is Jane Seymour still alive?
  • The Open Heart Collection is one more example proving that every major company should have a 12 year old boy on retainer. If he laughs when he sees your design, do not put it into production.

Maybe I should be asking myself if I’m secretly envious. Maybe I should come out of my tryptophan-induced mental coma and realize that the sole purpose of the November holiday was to focus on my blessings rather than the blessings I haven’t received. I’m not going to stop watching football, and I doubt advertisers will choose to stop airing commercials so…

This Christmas, I will allow advertisements for luxury items to remind me of the luxuries I have in my life and not become envious of the possessions of others.

But there is no way I will stop giggling at Open Hearts.

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About Jeff Postlewaite

high school principal since '07, father since '04, teacher since '03, husband since '03, sound tech since '96, UVA fan since '92, gadget junkie since '89, Christian since '88, Giants fan since '84, golfer since '83, brother since '83, human since '81

Posted on December 2, 2013, in Grinch List and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 1 Comment.

  1. The Open Hearts collection seems to be universally mocked. Here is my brother’s take on it:
    “Its motto is, ‘If your heart is open love will always find its way in.’ I think there should be a comma in there somewhere, but I like commas a little too much. And if the Bible is correct, a bunch of demons might sneak in your heart along with love. The commercials address none of these concerns.”
    He then went on to compare the shape of the Open Hearts jewelry to Trogdor the Burninator.

    I say go for the minivan idea. Maybe put a real gift inside the minivan, just in case.

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