An Eight-Bit Gospel

We hold these truths to be self-evident that the Nintendo Entertainment System is the greatest video game console ever created. I will not defend this position as it needs no defense.

I recently introduced my six-year old son to the wonders of Super Mario Brothers through the magic of an emulator and a USB gamepad by Logitech. I found it hilarious that he was just as fascinated with the console as I was at his age. The first time I grabbed the controller as a thirty-year old man I defeated world 1-1, took the warp in the 1-2 castle to world 4-1 before warping again to world 8-1 without losing a single life. As soon as I realized how ingrained this game is in my brain and really started thinking about it, I promptly lost all of my lives.

Have you ever noticed that the plot of the Bible is really similar to something from the eight-bit world of Mario and Luigi? I can’t be the only one who thinks this way.

The world loads in the first two chapters of the Bible and we are introduced to the main characters, God and His one true love within His creation, humanity. Chapter three sets up the plot by having God’s mortal enemy steal his true love away from Him. The remainder of the Old Testament is level after level of God trying to rescue His love. The game, which seemed really easy at first in the garden world, suddenly becomes very difficult. Players kill each other (probably by hitting pause as you are jumping over a hole) and almost no one makes it past the water world in Genesis 7.

In the Egypt level players are required to build pyramids, survive ten catastrophes, outrun an army, and navigate a dried up sea-bed while following a pillar of fire.

In the wilderness world of Exodus and Leviticus more rules are added and the ground opens up or snakes appear when they are disobeyed.

The Promised Land world is full of giants and armies that must be defeated.

The Judges world is completely confusing as you are never sure who is really on your side.

The kingdom stage is army after army and king after king that must be defeated.

In the captivity stage, players must fight of pits of lions, fiery furnaces, and are only rewarded with the task of rebuilding a city and its walls when that is completed.

There are all kinds of prophesy bonus levels that reveal the truth–the game cannot be beaten. God will never be reunited with his true love…unless the game maker releases a cheat code. Fortunately He does. The New Testament provides a warp–a way to automatically beat the impossibly difficult conditions of the Old Testament. If you max out your faith rating, the game maker Himself will take you to the new world in Revelation and defeat the final boss. This, and only this, will reunite Christ with His bride.

It’s really simple. The entire Bible is about God defeating the final boss and getting the girl.

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About Jeff Postlewaite

high school principal since '07, father since '04, teacher since '03, husband since '03, sound tech since '96, UVA fan since '92, gadget junkie since '89, Christian since '88, Giants fan since '84, golfer since '83, brother since '83, human since '81

Posted on June 29, 2012, in Biblical Thought and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink. 2 Comments.

  1. I hadn’t thought of it that way, but it does make sense when you list the levels. I’d be slightly surprised if someone hasn’t already tried to make a game like that. If no one has, then this is your chance. Or did you post the idea to the public in the hopes that someone else would take the ball and run with it?

    On a related note: I missed the NES/SNES heyday. I didn’t join until the N64.

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