The 12 Gifts of Christmas, #11- Granny

On each of the twelve days leading up to Christmas*, I am giving a gift** to someone*** who really deserves it. This must be how Oprah**** feels.

I’m not opposed to tradition, but a lot of Christmas expectations are pretty ridiculous. Leave it up to us ingrateful ungrates to build up the most sacred of holiday tradition, food, into a mountain of expectations so high it will never be scaled. I already put eggnog onto my Grinch list so I won’t rehash that, but there are several other foods that we make almost mystical in our minds until we try them every year and realize they are not as good as our memories tell us. Yeah, I’m looking at you, ginger cookies. Throw in candy canes, cranberry sauce, and those flavorless red and green sugar cookies and you’ve got yourself a pretty bland buffet that made your mouth water a month ago.

This year I hope I don’t have to add another one to that list, but I have a feeling I might. My granny only asked for one thing special at our Christmas Eve dinner–mince meat pie. I’ve never had mince meat pie, but she claims it’s delicious and a holiday favorite for a reason. After some research I have decided that it sounds like the unholy matrimony of fruit cake and meat shoved into a pie crust. And the worst part is what that meat actually is–the fat from around the organs of a cow. It’s not even liver, it’s the stuff that people eating liver leave behind.

Janet took the responsibility of getting this mince meat pie. First she tried the bakery at every grocery store in the 757 to no avail (despite a few of them advertizing mince meat pies on sale this week). Then she tried to locate some canned mince meat in order to make her own, but that didn’t happen. Finally, she rubbed the side of our computer and Google granted her three wishes. That’s when she discovered a local restaurant that specializes in British and Scottish food and serves mince meat pie daily. We will be at the Highlander today sometime between noon and 3:00 and may even try some authentic fish ‘n chips. Janet has warned me that if I even think about saying “gov’ner” or refer to myself as “the Doctor” that I will be walking home…it’s only two miles so it might be worth it.

This Christmas Eve, we will be giving a real mince meat pie to my Granny. My blog’s gift to her is the hope that it won’t be another Christmas food disappointment because I have a feeling it will taste like the part of a cow sane people throw away.

*Not the twelve days of Christmas, we’ve been over this already.
**In reality no gifts will be given. This is a hypothetical sort of thing designed to increase traffic on this website.
***Contest open to legal residents of planet earth and 18 or older to win unless I decide to give a gift to a minor or extraterrestrial. No purchase necessary, although purchases will definitely increase chances of winning. Some restrictions apply, like the fact that there is not an actual prize.
****Oprah Winfrey does not necessarily endorse this blog or the contents therein although I’m sure she would enjoy it. Oprah, if you’re reading, an endorsement would be appreciated…and a new car.


About Jeff Postlewaite

high school principal since '07, father since '04, teacher since '03, husband since '03, sound tech since '96, UVA fan since '92, gadget junkie since '89, Christian since '88, Giants fan since '84, golfer since '83, brother since '83, human since '81

Posted on December 24, 2011, in 12 Gifts for Christmas and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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